Some moments have moved forward before I was ready.
I used to love sunsets.
Dusk was my favorite time of day. I’ve been fortunate to experience several life-changing sunsets—one in particular happened before advanced camera phones and has been lost permanently to time. It was the kind that altered the air, the kind that consumed you with hues of orange and pink, where the reflection of water and refraction of crystal sand amplify light’s song. I have witnessed the blending of this world with the ineffable.
Now they just make me sad.
Death here is constant. It’s important. Having an end and a beginning to something shades life with meaning. But I can’t help but feel that all the moments that give life said meaning are unreasonably transitory, while that which festers, stagnates, and poisons refuses to turn over, digging its greedy heels into humanity’s pilgrimage. The spiral of life on the marketplace planet feels like a sinister merry go round set ablaze, and I wish we were capable of making new mistakes.
There’s not much for me to hold on to here. I’m left wondering how anyone makes progress as the footholds dissolve mid-climb and what can be ascertained from the future slips through our fingers all at once. This is my interpretation of where we are now in human history.
Here, there’s no choice but to detach completely from the outcome, and I wonder if there’s anything on the other side of that.
Now I mourn the death of what matters before it’s gone, and imagine what it’s like to have reliable constants other than death.
I wonder what it’s like to have fertile soil in which there’s a harvest from what is sown.
I wonder what it’s like to not have to mourn a sunset you know you’ll never see again, and perhaps wasn’t yours to experience to begin with.
Maybe heaven is a place you can experience a moment for as long as you need, where you decide how long the colors sing, and when they fold into eternity.
If you enjoy my reflections here, you will also benefit from my fiction:
Excellent share, very somber but eloquent and filled me with notions and questions, like great words are meant to do. Thank you for posting this!
So beautiful and so sad and so real. I pre-mourn people, places, situations and I know that is different, but its all about ephemerality . I've found that those times of softening the focus of wants and needs, most often when one is alone in nature are the most real and memorable moments I have had.